Finding Each Other in the Everyday Moments
My mom keeps telling me that if I want to be a writer, I need to “write in the cracks” of every day life. It means to write whenever you have time - typing a note into your phone or scribbling on a piece of paper while you wait to pick up your child after school, while dinner is cooking, just whenever you have a spare moment. Well, I do that too, with writing, but also with my marriage. When we don’t have the opportunity to go on date nights, we find each other in the cracks of every day life.
We waited until Addie was six months old to go on a date together. It wasn’t intentional, we just didn’t have the opportunity. When we had a chance to go see one of Jeremy’s favorite singers, we planned a date night.
I prepared for that date night for a month, pumping way more milk than Addie needed and getting her to take bottles. I was stressed and worried my baby would go hungry without me.
The night came, and we had fun. It was worth all of the stress and it was so needed. Unfortunately, my worries were valid. Addie would not take her bottle. Cue the guilt of leaving my breastfed baby for about five hours. Not only that, I somehow ended up with a clogged milk duct from only pumping once during the date night (Addie ate every 2 hours, even at 6 months old).
Jeremy and I talked, and we decided that it was too early to leave Addie like that again. But what about date nights? What about reconnecting as a couple? The solution was easy for us to find.
One of our most favorite things to do is eat smoked salmon with cream cheese on crackers. We especially love to indulge in that snack when the babies are asleep and a new season of our favorite show is on TV. On premiere night, Jeremy made a whole spread of delicious treats for us while I showered and took some time to myself. Once both girls were asleep, we sat down and watched our show. For the next hour, it was just us, our favorite snacks, and an okay season premiere. It. Was. Bliss.
From that night on, we planned weekly “date nights” to watch our show. We made yummy treats, got into comfy pajamas, and spent that time together once our girls went to sleep. It opened our eyes to something important, something we hadn’t realized before: we didn’t need elaborately planned out date nights to reconnect. We needed to find each other in the everyday moments of life, and fall in love with each other then. For us, everyday life is in our favorite shows and snacks. But it’s also in parenting together. Our moments as a family when we are all cuddling on the couch or eating dinner at the table fill my heart. Those are the moments I look over at Jeremy and say, “We made this family.”
From that time on, we started to make a conscious effort to take moments to appreciate each other and tell each other “I love you.” It has helped us grow closer as a couple and as a family.
Date nights out are important too - it’s fun to go out and pretend we’re just dating. Holding hands, stealing kisses, sharing dessert. Going out has it’s place in marriage.
My advice is that if you can’t go out, make a date night in! Take time to reconnect with each other after the little ones fall asleep. Or even wake up half an hour early and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee together before the kids wake up. It’s so worth it to find each other in the every day moments of life.